I love Kyrie! How we met!

Hi everybody on the internets, my name is Nero and I am a cool guy. Why am I so cool? It is because I am dating the hottest girl on the planet:

Kyrie.

Yup, I looooove Kyrie. I remember the first time we met... It was at the Chic-fil-A behind the Hell Gate we built our city around. I never figured out why we built our houses around an enormous store artifact they call the Hell Gate, but that's a different story. Anyways, I was ordering a chicken sammich with extra mayo when I heard a gentle voice behind me say, "Credo, what the hell is that guy wearing? All of those dorky zippers on his jacket. He looks like one of those white guys who thinks they're Japanese." I listened to her gentle voice talking smack about some stupid douche wearing bad clothing. I took a quick glance to my sides, hoping I would see this fashion-inept loser but I was the only one in line. Maybe the dork was behind us.

After I got my sammich I saw the girl whose voice had captured my heart and she couldn't take her eyes off of me. "Nice jacket." She said with a grin. The girl had good taste. But then the guy he was with looked like he had a stick up his ass. "Leave him alone, sis." He said to her. Damn her big brother for trying to stand between us! I tried to talk to her, but she kept turning away as though she were trying to abide by her brother's wishes. She even threatened to call the police if I didn't leave her alone, but I knew it was a ruse to keep herself pure in the eyes of her brother. After following her home from Chick-fil-A and breaking into her house and stealing her soiled underwear I was given a court order to keep my distance. It was a perfect way to keep Credo's suspicions off of me and his sister. What a smart girl! Kyrie thinks of everything.

I was parked across the street in my mom's station wagon when I watched Kyrie and Credo go to church, and I followed. It turns out that Kyrie is the lead singer in her church's opera! I don't know why a church would have an opera, or why they worship a demon, but it doesn't matter.

You should listen to Kyrie sing. She has the voice of angels. Her angelic voice floats such melodious and heavenly tunes it makes angels weep. The sun rises just to hear her morning melodies. Even the sweetest of birds can learn a thing or two. And her looks, she has hair like spun gold and eyes as blue as the Angel Islington in Monopoly, even though her hair and eyes are both brown. And her figure! In that white dress even Beyonce doesn't stack up against that booty.

I even sold my soul to the Devil for her. I was stalk- I mean, 'following' Kyrie to her car when she realized she locked her keys inside and could not get home. When she saw me she called for help, but I was powerless to save her, so that day I made a vow that I would pay any price if I had the power to protect her and 'boom' that's how I got my magic arm. Now no locked car doors are a problem anymore because of my ghost hand. I will probably burn in Hell for the deal I made but it was worth it to protect Kyrie from locked vehicles. After I sold my soul, Kyrie remembered that she had a magnetic spare-key holder under her car, and a taster in her purse. I felt as though her crisis was adverted... for now.

But we never got close until I bought her a gold necklace and saved her from a 100 foot tall statue possessed by the soul of our priest. Most priests just molest children but we get the one that wants to take over the world with a giant floating naked stone man...

So now Kyrie and I are living happily ever after!